There are few things in life that can rival the enjoyment of a freshly baked brownie. There are few things in life that can rival the enjoyment of the physical relationship between a husband and a wife.
If you have not read post 1 of 2, the back story from Wednesday’s post can be read here.
Today’s post picks up where that left off: What are the ingredients that lead to an enjoyable brownie? Or what are the ingredients that will increase your joy, intimacy, and pleasure in the physical relationship?
The central contention I would make is that maximum sex comes from seeking a deeper depth and not simply higher highs. Personally, I do not believe that maximum sex is a result of tricks, or technique, or positions. Don’t misunderstand me. These things can increase pleasure within sex. But, maximum sex is more than just physical pleasure. It’s the total package. It’s connection, intimacy, security, joy, sacrifice, and pleasure with your spouse. It’s the total enjoyment that comes from sharing a life together. As such, the list below may be noteworthy for what’s not on it.
It’s only fair to tell you that my starting point is the Bible. Anyone skimming this post, or flipping down the numbered ingredients, could find themselves disagreeing or disappointed by what is or is not on the list. But, the Bible is my starting point when it comes to determining what qualifies for increasing enjoyment with one another. Different starting points will inevitably lead to different ingredients. That’s why I tell you what mine is.
So, with this as my starting point and through conversations with my wife, Jill, I present these as important ingredients that will lead to increased intimacy, greater joy, and more sexual pleasure between spouses.
- COVENANT. It’s been alluded to other places, but I want to state it explicitly here. I believe the intimacy of sex is reserved for a husband and a wife. From the analogy, I believe the oven of vows brings forth the type of relationship commitment (i.e. until death do us part) that can bear the intensity of sex. Sex, inclusive of the intimacy, vulnerability, emotional/spiritual/physical nakedness, passion, and more (!), is experienced most enjoyably between two inseparable and shared lives. From Song of Solomon 4:12, the husband speaks, “You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.” It speaks to covenant. Our culture gets it wrong when they paint marriage as this miserable ball-and-chain. The husband from Song of Solomon sees the exclusive opportunity he has to be the only to drink from this “sealed fountain.” What a beautiful reversal of how our culture views covenant!
- FAITH. What!? Yep. Beyond covenant, I hold that a husband and a wife share similar passion (or non-passion) for God. One’s beliefs about God greatly impact one’s views of intimacy, marriage, and sex. Compare two people. One person believes there is a God over all, who created us for his glory, gifted us with a spouse for marital satisfaction, and believes He knows best how they should relate to one another, including sexually. Another person does not believe in God, lives his own life, does as he sees fit, and aims to love his wife as good as he knows how and to enjoy her sexually. These two people will approach sex from drastically different perspectives. Faith matters and will come to bear on the bedroom.
- SELF-SACRIFICE. The Bible speaks very clearly that our bodies are not our own (1 Cor. 6:19-20). For those who have believed in Jesus Christ, we are first the Lord’s. Then secondly, in marriage, we give up authority of our bodies to our spouse (1 Cor. 7:4). Sex is a tremendous opportunity to demonstrate sacrificial love by putting the other’s needs and desires above our own. Those words could get me berated on certain talk shows that tell you to “get yours!” But, the words of Jesus are true, “It is more blessed to give than receive”…even in the bedroom!
- INTIMACY. Connection in the bedroom is one possibility. But, if it’s the only connection, I think maximum sex will get reduced to seeking a higher high. Rather, how many different points of connection could you have with your spouse? How man shared interests could you connect over? How might you connect with them by phone, over email, or through a Facebook wall post throughout the day? How might you enter into their world of work, or hobbies, or rest, or family drama, or dreams for the future? One recent example in our house has been how Jill embraces the NCAA basketball tournament. She demonstrates a willingness to enter into my world of sports by filling out a bracket and watching some games with me. I love her for it. It’s one of the ways we foster friendship. We’re sharing lives!
Stopping there, I want to flip the script back to you. You’re heard some (not all) of the ingredients I believe lead to a deeper relationship with your spouse and, in turn, maximum sex.
QUESTIONS: But, what do you think? What are the ingredients you’d include?