To quote Steve Treichler, “have great sex.” God wants you to have maximum sex. Finding maximum sexual pleasure is like making the perfect batch of brownies.
I love brownies and I love licking brownie batter from the bowl. Even to this day when my wife, Jill, makes brownies I’ll swoop in like an eagle to grab the bowl and spatula from her. I just can’t wait to get a taste of that chocolaty goodness. At times, I will even get a stomach ache filling up on brownie batter. I am too impatient for the 12-16 minute journey from batter to freshly baked brownie. Can I get an “Amen!” from anyone?
One time when I was younger I recall a pan of brownies being taken from the oven and within minutes seeing it discarded into the garbage. I couldn’t believe it! I sprinted over to the garbage can, picked up several scraps, and took bites. I quickly realized why the brownies had been thrown away. There was obviously an ingredient or two that were missing. For anyone who has tasted freshly baked brownies with all the ingredients, these were not them. But, as a kid at the time, I didn’t want them to just get thrown away due to one or two or eight missing ingredients. So, I was willing to salvage the “brownies” AS IS even with a distorted texture and mistaken taste. I would take these as my brownies even though they couldn’t truly qualify as brownies by any baker anywhere.
I think the same happens in the area of sexual intimacy. In this analogy, the batter is the dating relationship and the oven are vows which forever change the batter into a brownie (marriage).
People sneak bites of batter before the brownies have been baked. They may fill their stomach with batter again and again. Sex before marriage is becoming more commonplace. People are proving content to never marry and taste the goodness of a freshly baked brownie. For them, endless supplies of batter are being settled for.
Other people have come through the oven. Some of these people have tasted the bitterness of brownies with missing ingredients (i.e. an imperfect marriage).
Within this group a section choose to accept it as is, missing ingredients and all. They, being so desirous of brownies, are willing to settle for knock off “brownies” or anything with even a hint of sweetness: “Any relationship, even a bad one, is better than no relationship at all.” Though they can recognize brownies from the trash should really be left there, like me as a kid, close enough is good enough.
Another group that has come through the oven, gotten married, and have tasted this bitter brownie have chosen to throw it away. One or both may have not been willing to work on their marriage. It has missing ingredients. Rather than work on it though the first batch is thrown away and another batch starts getting mixed as if it were truly that easy to stop and start such intimate relationships. Though such a cycle of throw and replace seems absurd in this analogy, it’s not too far from reality.
This can result in one of three possibilities.
- They may mix up a great next batch. Though statistics seem to tell otherwise, it could happen, but it is pretty uncommon.
- They may mix up a batch and content themselves once again with more brownie batter. They conclude the oven must be broken: “Marriage just doesn’t work.”
- They may make the same mistake over again and dump a whole other batch of brownies into the trash.
It is for the pleasure of the marriage relationship, sex included(!), that we require premarital counseling at our church. I know when I was preparing to enter the oven with Jill I knew about some of the ingredients but not all of them.
QUESTIONS: What do you think? Do you like this analogy? How would you change it? Do you see any of this happening around you? Please, comment below.
NEXT TIME: So, whether you’re in the batter stage or in the brownie stage, what are those ingredients? And if some are missing, what can you do to bring those into your relationship to increase your joy, intimacy, and pleasure? Read now.