Hooking up without hitching up (including helpful and funny video)

Hook upIs it okay to sleep together if we really love each other, right?

I hear this question often.

Here are several considerations:

Do you have a relationship with Christ? If not, then I would encourage you to first respond to Christ. His life, death, and resurrection demand a response, either of belief/faith/trust or unbelief. No one sees the bloody cross of Christ and responds with “meh.” If you do have a relationship with Christ, conversations of sex start with God.

It must be believed that all things are from God and to be lived through/with/under* him (Rom. 11:36). One of these things is sex. He gives it as a gift. And it is to be received through/with/under him. Do you believe sex is a gift from God that is best received through/with/under him?

Part of receiving it through/with/under him is actively believing that God knows what he’s doing in designing it. Trust that he’s established good, pleasing, and perfect boundaries. To disagree with his boundaries is tantamount to giving God the finger and prematurely nabbing this gift right out of his hands. The Bible (Rom. 1:21) says such action represents futility of thinking (though we think we know better than God) and a darkening of hearts (though we claim it’s due to greater/deeper/purer/committed love).

Part of his design is that this gift would be received within the covenant of marriage. The boundaries for sex is marriage. You knew this was coming, right? Think about it. Our conscience recognizes there is a time and place for sex. Prostitution is not it. Rape is not. Adultery is not it. Getting sloshed, grabbing a stranger, and hooking up in the bed of a pick-up truck is not it. I use these examples because we all recognize there is a line. Somewhere. Somewhere there is a distinction where we can point and say “Okay” or “Not okay.” With faith in Christ, we say God’s draws the line. And he has drawn it at marriage (see: Gen. 2:24-25 where order is marriage and then nakedness and 1 Cor. 7:2 which holds up marriage as essential for avoiding sexual immorality is one is in fact having sex. It should be noted it’s not the only essential).

Ultimately, why is this all so important? The covenant of marriage and relationship between husband and wife is symbolic of the relationship between Christ and the Church. For Christ to establish this relationship he came to earth, lived sinlessly, died substitutionally, and raised victoriously. It says he purchased us with his blood. He loved us so much that he died for us.

So, “is it okay to sleep together if we really love each other?” Absolutely! Because I understand “really loving each other” to actually mean laying down your life as Christ did for the Church, living through/with/under him, trusting his good design, and entering into covenant with the other person through publicly exchanging vows. If you really love each other that way, by all means, sleep together.

QUESTIONS: What do you think? Is hooking up without hitching up a good idea? A biblical idea?

Here’s a video of what happens when two cars hook up without hitching up? (Note: turn down volume if offended by profanity)

* “through/with/under” is a cumbersome phrase, so why use it repeatedly? I think it communicates several important principles. “Through” communicates living life through the power of his Holy Spirit. We are to be a spirit-filled people. One of the fruits of this is self-control, an important character quality within this discussion. “With” communicates that God the Son took on human flesh and frailty. He experienced bodily temptation, weakness, and pain. In these ways he is with us and able to sympathize with our weaknesses. “Under” communicates that God is Lord. There is no one greater. Using this cumbersome phrase reminds me of how important it is to live for God – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Posted on by Cor in LIFE

5 Responses to Hooking up without hitching up (including helpful and funny video)

  1. Dave Nelson

    Ha Cor – you got me for a sec with “Absolutely.”

    Anyway, I just overheard on the radio a guy talking about how pre-marital sex is like a balm to a relationship that covers over serious disagreements and differences. This lasts just long enough to get married where the couple now discovers those major differences and don’t really get along well. I think we’ve all seen this – people who would never have been together or stayed together were they not having sex.

    I love your point, if you truly love someone, love them enough to marry them first! Or, as a modern sage put it “If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it” which perhaps was not exactly to urge people to wait for marriage, but still did hold up marriage as a good thing.

  2. Faith

    Cor. I 100% agree with everything you said. Sex is a gift from God and it was intended for marriage.

    I would like to add some words from Pastor Joel Johnson of Westwood Community Church. (from a sermon he preached on sex).

    This next sentence pretty much hit home for me as someone who used to not follow Jesus and therefore misused her body. “When you touch someone’s body, you touch their soul.”

    “God made the body to feel good in sexual expression. Your body is connected to your soul. So sex is inevitably a spiritual experience. As body is being satisfied, solid is being emptied.”

    “Most people who seek sexual gratification outside off marriage aren’t doing it because they want to be promiscuous, I think they do it because they are deeply lonely.”

    “There is deep longing in the soul for touch of acceptance and love and value from another human being.”

    1 Cor 6:12-20 “Because sex is such an explosively powerful experience, people will take away their aloneness when in fact it exasperates it.”

    “So God intended sexual intimacy where soul can be nourished and oneness can be deepened and not simply the body be satisfied.”

    I personally also remember that my body is God’s dwelling place. That is nothing to misuse.

  3. Lindsay

    I once heard it compared to a fire. That sex in its proper place (like a fire in a fireplace) is a good thing. But that outside of its proper place (like a fire in the middle of the living room), sex becomes destructive.

  4. Matt

    There are so many things I’ve thought about posting on “the big topic”

    One point I’d like to make is, I see this as a big problem where people are either licentious, or, condemning.

    People dabble in pre-marital sex, and either, say they did nothing wrong, perhaps even come-up with a funny biblical interpretation, or, say its no big deal. Or, make too big of a deal of it and fail to acknowledge that Jesus takes all of our sin.

    Once we experience repentance we can dig to the real idols. Most of the time its not even the sex that is the issue. We need to repent of the idols of our emotions, popularity, meeting our parents expectations, etc.

  5. Carla

    I dated a guy for over 4 years. Both Christians, my walk not so dedicated. His walk, well let’s say he used his Christianity as a tool to make himself ‘look’ like a godly man. It seemed legit due to my half walk with God. To get around the ‘sex before marriage’ thing, he not only with me but with relationships before me and after me, at the initial start up professed such love and immediate talk of marriage and how God sent us to each other. So if that were the case, it was ‘okay’ to have sex. LOL….After getting out of that crazy relationship and just prior to my ending it, I re-committed my life to Christ. Explained my belief of leading our lives with Christ at the center. So many things needed to change and be corrected.
    #1 He needed to get his divorce (which he had made every excuse prior as to why he couldn’t)
    #2 He had to make more of a commitment to financially contributing to the relationship (up to this point, minimal employment, minimal income, frequent loss of his jobs, 9 jobs in 4 years)
    #3 Acknowledging a good healthy Christian relationship needs to have honesty, mutuality and reciprocity.
    Turns out he is a Narcopath. And uses religion or his ‘relationship’ with God as a tool. He has a very dark heart. This is all a part of this mental disorder. When he couldn’t step up with these necessities, he targeted another woman in our church and within a matter of days he professed his ‘love’ for her as well as announcing them getting married! LOL… Professing all of this to her as well as other church ‘friends’ and his social media, that he has found ‘THE ONE’..The sad thing was the church friends that knew ‘us’ and then in a matter of a few days ‘them’, embraced it wholeheartedly….Wow! This is the sickness of such a mental personality disorder as Narcopathy is and many, many people fall victim to these people. Re-committing my life to Christ just prior to this was me wanting to heal our relationship and put it onto a Christ like path. Lots of prayers but with the grace of God, the Holy Spirit led me and opened my eyes to the manipulation tactics of this dark soul person. Lots of scripture to back it up as well. Beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing. They truly do exist. So, sex before marriage? Not too sure I can agree with that. Just pray about it people…Ask for discernment…Dark soul people can and will use anything, enduring sentiments, quick marriage talk, claims of being soulmates, and even religion, etc. It’s called ‘Love Bombing’. Don’t fall prey to this type. Google Narcopathy. A form of psychological abuse listed in the American mental health manual, DSM IV. Lots of evil out there…Be aware, very aware.

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